I may live for some months, or I may
die before another day has passed over my head--the doctors cannot, and
dare not, speak more positively than this. It would be vain to say, my
dear, that I have not had some miserable moments since my real situation
has been made known to me. But I am more resigned than I was, and I am
doing my best to set my worldly affairs in order. My one great anxiety
is that Rachel should be kept in ignorance of the truth. If she knew
it, she would at once attribute my broken health to anxiety about the
Diamond, and would reproach herself bitterly, poor child, for what is in
no sense her fault. Both the doctors agree that the mischief began
two, if not three years since. I am sure you will keep my secret,
Drusilla--for I am sure I see sincere sorrow and sympathy for me in your
face."
Sorrow and sympathy! Oh, what Pagan emotions to expect from a Christian
Englishwoman anchored firmly on her faith!
Little did my poor aunt imagine what a gush of devout thankfulness
thrilled through me as she approached the close of her melancholy story.
Here was a career of usefulness opened before me! Here was a beloved
relative and perishing fellow-creature, on the eve of the great change,
utterly unprepared; and led, providentially led, to reveal her situation
to Me! How can I describe the joy with which I now remembered that the
precious clerical friends on whom I could rely, were to be counted, not
by ones or twos, but by tens and twenties.
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