The reader will remember that I am now an old man, and that vanity no
longer has any of that influence over me which it might be supposed to
possess over one of more juvenile hopes and feelings; that I relate
facts, without reference to their effect on myself, beyond the general
salvo of some lingering weaknesses of humanity. I trust, therefore, I
shall be understood in all my necessary allusions to the estimation in
which I was apparently held by others. Emily fairly started when I
made this remark concerning the probable duration of the approaching
separation, and the colour left her cheek. Her pretty white hand
shook, so that she had difficulty in using her needle; and there was
an appearance of agitation and distress about the charming girl, that
I had never before witnessed in one whose manner was usually so
self-possessed and calm. I _now_ know the reason why I did not
throw myself on my knees, and beg the charming girl to consent to
accompany me to America, though I wondered at myself afterwards, when
I came to reflect coolly on all that passed, for my stoicism. I will
not affirm that I fancied Emily's agitation to be altogether owing to
myself; but I confess to an inability to account for it, in any other
manner, as agreeable to myself. The appearance of Major Merton at that
instant, however, prevented everything like a scene, and probably
restored us both to a consciousness of the necessity of seeming
calm.
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