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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"Getting Married"


COLLINS. Certainly, General. [He takes out a tobacco pouch and
hands it to the General, who takes it and goes into the garden].
LESBIA. I dont believe theres a man in England who really and
truly loves his wife as much as he loves his pipe.
THE BISHOP. By the way, what has happened to the wedding party?
SYKES. I dont know. There wasnt a soul in the church when we were
married except the pew opener and the curate who did the job.
EDITH. They had all gone home.
MRS BRIDGENORTH. But the bridesmaids?
COLLINS. Me and the beadle have been all over the place in a
couple of taxies, maam; and weve collected them all. They were a
good deal disappointed on account of their dresses, and thought
it rather irregular; but theyve agreed to come to the breakfast.
The truth is, theyre wild with curiosity to know how it all
happened. The organist held on until the organ was nigh worn out,
and himself worse than the organ. He asked me particularly to
tell you, my lord, that he held back Mendelssohn till the very
last; but when that was gone he thought he might as well go too.
So he played God Save The King and cleared out the church. He's
coming to the breakfast to explain.
LEO. Please remember, Collins, that there is no truth whatever
in the rumor that I am separated from my husband, or that there
is, or ever has been, anything between me and Mr Hotchkiss.


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