In such words as plum, come, humbug, up, gum, etc., Mr.
Sweet's evidence is conclusive. Ladies and gentlemen in Southern
England pronounce them as plam, kam, hambag, ap, gan, etc.,
exactly as Felix Drinkwater does. I could not claim Mr. Sweet's
authority if I dared to whisper that such coster English as the
rather pretty dahn tahn for down town, or the decidedly ugly
cowcow for cocoa is current in very polite circles. The entire
nation, costers and all, would undoubtedly repudiate any such
pronunciation as vulgar. All the same, if I were to attempt to
represent current "smart" cockney speech as I have attempted to
represent Drinkwater's, without the niceties of Mr. Sweet's Romic
alphabets, I am afraid I should often have to write dahn tahn and
cowcow as being at least nearer to the actual sound than down town
and cocoa. And this would give such offence that I should have to
leave the country; for nothing annoys a native speaker of English
more than a faithful setting down in phonetic spelling of the
sounds he utters. He imagines that a departure from conventional
spelling indicates a departure from the correct standard English
of good society. Alas! this correct standard English of good
society is unknown to phoneticians. It is only one of the many
figments that bewilder our poor snobbish brains. No such thing
exists; but what does that matter to people trained from infancy
to make a point of honor of belief in abstractions and
incredibilities? And so I am compelled to hide Lady Cicely's
speech under the veil of conventional orthography.
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