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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"Captain Brassbound's Conversion"

Thank you. That's so like you, Captain. Thank you.
Now, Mr. Redbrook! Show me the way to the well. (She follows
Redbrook out through the arch.)
DRINKWATER. Yah! Yah! Shime! Beat baw a woman!
JOHNSON (coming forward on Brassbound's right). What's wrong now?
DRINKWATER (with an air of disappointment and disillusion).
Down't awsk me, Miste Jornsn. The kepn's naow clawss arter all.
BRASSBOUND (a little shamefacedly). What has she been fixing up
in there, Johnson?
JOHNSON. Well: Marzo's in your bed. Lady wants to make a kitchen
of the Sheikh's audience chamber, and to put me and the Kid handy
in his bedroom in case Marzo gets erysipelas and breaks out
violent. From what I can make out, she means to make herself
matron of this institution. I spose it's all right, isn't it?
DRINKWATER. Yuss, an horder huz abaht as if we was keb tahts! An
the kepn afride to talk bawck at er!
Lady Cicely returns with Redbrook. She carries the jar full of
water.
LADY CICELY (putting down the jar, and coming between Brassbound
and Drinkwater as before). And now, Captain, before I go to poor
Marzo, what have you to say to me?
BRASSBOUND. I! Nothing.
DRINKWATER. Down't fank it, gavner. Be a men!
LADY CICELY (looking at Drinkwater, puzzled). Mr. Drinkwater said
you had.
BRASSBOUND (recovering himself). It was only this. That fellow
there (pointing to Drinkwater) is subject to fits of insolence.
If he is impertinent to your ladyship, or disobedient, you have
my authority to order him as many kicks as you think good for
him; and I will see that he gets them.


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