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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"Captain Brassbound's Conversion"

Weoll, lidy: y cawn't deenaw
that e's a Paffick Genlmn. Bit hawbitrairy, preps; but hin a
genlmn you looks for sich. It tikes a hawbitrairy wanne to knock
aht them eathen Shikes, aw teoll yer.
BRASSBOUND. That's enough. Go.
DRINKWATER. Weoll, aw was hownly a teolln the lidy thet-- (A
threatening movement from Brassbound cuts him short. He flies for
his life into the house, followed by the Italian.)
BRASSBOUND. Your ladyship sees. These men serve me by their own
free choice. If they are dissatisfied, they go. If I am
dissatisfied, they go. They take care that I am not dissatisfied.
SIR HOWARD (who has listened with approval and growing
confidence). Captain Brassbound: you are the man I want. If your
terms are at all reasonable, I will accept your services if we
decide to make an excursion. You do not object, Cicely, I hope.
LADY CICELY. Oh no. After all, those men must really like you,
Captain Brassbound. I feel sure you have a kind heart. You have
such nice eyes.
SIR HOWARD (scandalized). My DEAR Cicely: you really must
restrain your expressions of confidence in people's eyes and
faces. (To Brassbound) Now, about terms, Captain?
BRASSBOUND. Where do you propose to go?
SIR HOWARD. I hardly know. Where CAN we go, Mr. Rankin?
RANKIN. Take my advice, Sir Howrrd. Don't go far.
BRASSBOUND. I can take you to Meskala, from which you can see the
Atlas Mountains. From Meskala I can take you to an ancient castle
in the hills, where you can put up as long as you please.


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