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Shaw, George Bernard, 1856-1950

"Captain Brassbound's Conversion"

If I undertake this business, I shall be
your escort. I may require a dozen men, just as I may require a
dozen horses. Some of the horses will be vicious; so will all the
men. If either horse or man tries any of his viciousness on me,
so much the worse for him; but it will make no difference to you.
I will order my men to behave themselves before the lady; and
they shall obey their orders. But the lady will please understand
that I take my own way with them and suffer no interference.
LADY CICELY. Captain Brassbound: I don't want an escort at all.
It will simply get us all into danger; and I shall have the
trouble of getting it out again. That's what escorts always do.
But since Sir Howard prefers an escort, I think you had better
stay at home and let me take charge of it. I know your men will
get on perfectly well if they're properly treated.
DRINKWATER (with enthusiasm). Feed aht o yr and, lidy, we would.
BRASSBOUND (with sardonic assent). Good. I agree. (To Drinkwater)
You shall go without me.
DRINKWATER. (terrified). Eah! Wot are you a syin orn? We cawn't
gow withaht yer. (To Lady Cicely) Naow, lidy: it wouldn't be for
yr hown good. Yer cawn't hexpect a lot o poor honeddikited men
lawk huz to ran ahrseolvs into dineger withaht naow Kepn to teoll
us wot to do. Naow, lidy: hoonawted we stend: deevawdid we fall.
LADY CICELY. Oh, if you prefer your captain, have him by all
means. Do you LIKE to be treated as he treats you?
DAINKWATER (with a smile of vanity).


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