Was it possible that their two lives should be so blended together
that they should withstand every accident of fate? He meant to give
himself entirely, to keep nothing back, and to be true in body and
soul. Was he sure that he could keep the vow, and that no sinful
wishes should come to break it? Already he was thinking that he
might not be always happy with her. Certainly her beauty, her wit,
the attraction of her fresh, healthy youth charmed him, and when she
spoke to him with her sweet voice, he had to shut his eyes and hold
himself together, not to fall at her feet and bury his head in her
dress. But he feared for himself, for his honor, that a sensual
attraction should hardly outlast possession. His innermost being was
painfully troubled. Never an elevated word from her! Never a deep
and serious thought! Often he reflected that the faults of her
upbringing were the inevitable results of her life in the midst of
idle people, and that it would be possible to deepen and widen her
mind and sensations. If he could only go with her to a desert
island, alone with the loneliness of nature, and could live between
the heavens and the sea! How soon then could he inspire her thoughts
and bring her to his own standpoint. Then the fear would take hold
of him that she could not do without theaters, frocks, soirees, and
balls, and under the recent impression of the New-Year's party he
became despondent, and said to himself, "No.
Pages:
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95