]
* * * * *
A FRIEND TAKES ME FOR A QUIET DRIVE.
[Illustration: 1. "Don't be alarmed, Jack--it's only her way. She
always does this at starting. Never knew her to come over."]
[Illustration: 2. "May as well get out. She always makes me walk up
here."]
[Illustration: 3. "Look sharp, Jack, and get the reins from under her
tail or we'll have an accident!"]
[Illustration: 4. "Curious thing how she hates trains!"]
[Illustration: 5. "Better be on the look-out for a soft spot, old
chap!"]
[Illustration: 6. "Now this is the second time she has turned me out
just here!"]
* * * * *
IN THE MONKEY-HOUSE;
_OR, CAGE VERSUS CLUB._
PROFESSOR GARNER goes to the Gaboon
To garner Monkey talk; a dubious boon!
Stucco Philistia shows in many shapes
The babble of baboons, the chat of apes.
Why hang, Sir, up a tree, in a big cage,
To study Simian speech, which in our age
May be o'erheard on Platform or in Pub,
And studied 'mid the comforts of a Club?
And yet perchance your forest apes would shrink
From Smoke-room chat of apes who _never_ think,
But cackle imitatively all round,
Till their speech hath an automatic sound.
Put the dread name of GL-DST-NE in the slot
SMELFUNGUS calls his mouth, and rabid rot
Will gurgle forth in a swift sewer-like gush
Of coarse abuse would make a bargee blush.
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