Take of these elements all that is fusible,
Melt 'em all down in a pipkin or crucible,
Set 'em to simmer and take off the scum,
And a Woman of Charm is the residuum!
(Slightly adapted from W.S. Gilbert.)
A Modern Proposal
(It has been said that the feminist movement is the true solution of the
mother-in-law problem.)
Sylvia, my dear, I would be yours with pleasure,
All that you are seems excellent to me,
Except your mother, who's much more at leisure
Than mothers ought to be.
Find her a fad, a job, an occupation,
Eugenics, dancing, uplift, yes, or crime,
Set her to work for her Emancipation--
That takes a lot of time.
Or, if the suffrage doctrine fails to charm her,
There are the Antis--rather in her line--
Guarding the Home from Maine to Alabama
Would keep her out of mine.
The Newer Lullaby
("Good heavens, when I think what the young boy of to-day is growing up
to I gasp. He has too many women around him all the time. He has his
mother when he is a baby."--_Bernard Fagin, Probation Officer_.)
Hush-a-bye, baby,
Feel no alarm,
Gunmen shall guard you,
Lest Mother should harm.
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